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Arian Foster doesn’t like you…

September 1, 2011

…if you play fantasy football. That’s the point I gathered by reading his tweet about fantasy football players who are concerned that his hamstring injury would affect their teams.

My question is this, what is the difference between a fantasy football player and someone who is JUST a fan of a NFL team? Unless you are an employee of the NFL or one of its’ teams, ALL football is FANTASY FOOTBALL!

It doesn’t matter if you are a fan of the Houston Texans or “owner” of the “Icetown Jackals”, if a player on “your” team is hurt and unable to play, your immediate concern is how that affects you winning games and who will you get to replace them in the line-up. PERIOD.

I don’t understand what he means by “those sincerely concerned” either. Does he mean those who hold candlelight vigils for his full-recovery? Perhaps left-wing vegans who tear up when any living creature feels pain? It’s just a hamstring!

Pray for Arian

You’ll be fine…in the grand scheme of life at least. This isn’t high school or the University of Tennessee where cheerleaders and boosters start bawling if your pinky finger gets twisted. Nobody dies from what may or may not be a minor tear in a hamstring, it happens all the time and life goes on.

I have a buddy who broke his nose in a softball game doing something stupid and I have yet to send flowers to his house, haven’t written him a folk song lamenting his pain, and still no trust funds set up for his kids in case it turns worse. Instead I’ve been looking for a new second baseman who knows how to look the ball into his glove on double-plays, instead of trying to use the back of his glove like Omar Vizquel. I am sincerely concerned that my friend’s nose hurts and that he looks like a raccoon, but I still have no problem busting his nuts for flopping on the ground like a sissy and subsequently replacing him on our team.

If Arian Foster, or any player in any sport for that matter, suffers a head injury, broken neck, spinal fracture or a Theismanian floppy leg…I do feel sincere concern for their health. I worry about their quality of life, how they’ll cope with such debilitating injuries.

BUT sprained hammys, ankles and jammed fingers do NOT inspire my limitless compassion. Sorry Arian, just part of the job. I think you need thicker skin…and hamstrings.

And then he made it worse.

That’s a screen shot from Sportscenter of the MRI of Arian Foster’s injured hamstring. Foster tweeted the picture to show how NOT SERIOUS the injury was, and as soon as ESPN got it and turned it over to their cadre of medical experts, they determined that it is torn and he can expect to miss 3-4 weeks. OOPS.

Foster has since deleted the tweet, which shows a fundamental misunderstanding of how the internet works. It’s too late! It’s out there! You can’t get toothpaste back in the tube! You can’t unpoop the bed!

Before this picture got out, the Texans spin on his injury was that he mildly reaggravated a sprain and that he’d be ready for week one. Heck, they may have told Arian the exact same thing as to not ruin his morale. But if they looked at the MRI, they knew what the injury was, and I promise you that the LAST thing they wanted was their week one opponent, the Indianapolis Colts to see that MRI! Now they know to prepare for Ben Tate and will adjust defensive game plans accordingly.


I predict Arian Foster will be taking a team-ordered break from twitter for a while, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he gets a fine from the team or the league for sharing proprietary team medical information. I imagine he’ll be getting a healthy dose of ass-chewing from Gary Kubiak and Matt Schaub for leaking team business on the internet too. This is just as bad as losing your playbook…even worse actually, its more like sending your playbook to every team in football.

On the bright side, I’m glad to see an athlete tweeting pictures of his own anatomy that AREN’T his genitals.

There’s your silver lining.


p.s. Ben Tate, throw away your smartphone immediately, it can only hurt the ball club.

One Comment leave one →
  1. charita permalink
    September 1, 2011 1:40 AM


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